Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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