So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
