remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
