my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God, I missed his penis.
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