I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this hospital has no fireball
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
