I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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