i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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