im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
