i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
