awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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