i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
