can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
