Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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