So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
