why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
