So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
