people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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