just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
