Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
