I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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