Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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