My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
