I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
