I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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