plz talk dirty to me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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