I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
