youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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