i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
