she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
