That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
