Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
