Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
