OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
