The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
