I accidentally burped into my bong.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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