So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
