I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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