She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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