I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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