I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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