toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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