lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
