If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
