if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
