I'm passing your future prison.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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