Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
