so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
