I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
