elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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