Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
