I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dick very happy bro
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
