the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
