Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
