corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
