how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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