I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
